A lack of confidence is the number one killer of careers, success and happiness in general. We are born with plenty of confidence, but our thoughts about our experiences and society chip away at it over time robbing us of our ability to reach our full potential. Real confidence is being comfortable in your own skin. When you are comfortable in your own skin you have much more freedom to creatively solve problems, do things because they are good for you, help others, and much more.
People who lack confidence would love to do those things but they spend so much time worried about themselves and what others think of them that they don’t have the energy. They spend most of their energy trying to compensate for their lack of confidence, which inevitably leads to poor decisions. They try to make others look bad because they are not confident that their own work product will shine through. They lie to hide small mistakes because they are afraid that someone will notice that they don’t measure up. They won’t help a co-worker because they are always afraid of others looking better than them. These are not the kind of decisions that will get you that promotion, pay raise, or special assignment. Generally, there is nothing vindictive about any of it, but living life from a place a fear will always end in disappointment. Decisions from a place of true confidence and kindness will get you noticed. People will notice that you never speak negatively about others, that you always own up to your own mistakes, and that you are always willing to help others even if it means a little more work for you. These are the qualities of a good manager or a new leader. See the difference?
In my un-official studies of human behavior I have noticed that there are four primary symptoms of “anti-confidence-itis”. If you can understand them and try to relate them to your own life, you will start to see changes.
Appearance
Appearance is one of the biggies when it comes to confidence and the one where society, media and culture are often working against us. Intellectually, we all know that your appearance doesn’t really matter. We just need to start believing it. You have to love the body that you were given and then do your best to care for it. Feed it well, keep it in shape, and try not to harm it.
Deserving
Another of the biggies, when it comes to confidence, is simply believing that you deserve success and happiness. When you don’t believe that you deserve to be happy and are constantly looking for reasons for things to turn out poorly, then you guarantee those thoughts will come true. If you can admit that you don’t think you deserve success and happiness, and realize that is simply a thought and not reality, you can almost always overcome it. Once you can visualize a dream or a goal, it is much easier to make it come true.
Intelligence
Unfortunately our society, culture, and school systems reward those that excel in math, science and reasoning the most with the label of intelligence. The reality is that being smart or talented comes in many forms and doesn’t have to involve what you might score on an IQ test. You can be “smart” at writing, literature, art, mechanics, athletics, loving, and caring and all are equal. There is something in this world that requires the exact mix of intelligence and skill that you have, it is just a matter of figuring out what it is.
Influence
Another tendency we have is to underestimate the amount of influence we really have. We don’t believe that we can ultimately make a difference. The truth is that we are all powerful beyond our imagination. You can simply decide that you are going smile and say a kind word to everyone in the elevator with you today and that alone will make a big difference.
